Surgery Day...

After the wait for surgery you would think we'd be happy to finally have a date, but nothing could prepare us for the actual day.

Mabel couldn't eat after midnight and couldn't nurse after 4:30am so I woke her up at 3:00am for a last nursing to tie her over until her 8:30am surgery. The morning couldn't have gone more perfect. She didn't wake up until about 15 minutes before we had to leave for the hospital. I had everything packed and ready to go the night before.

We got her dressed and packing up, she seems so confused as to what we were doing since she normally would be eating breakfast at that time. The pre-op went along pretty quickly. Our nurse was very nice and everyone loved Mabel, all the nurses came in to say "hi". Mabel was being very smiley and social which surprised us since she is normally more reserved. When it came time to bring Mabel to surgery only one of us could go with her - of course I had to, I'm her mommy. I carried her in and when we got to the surgical suite I my instinct was just to run away with her, but I knew we had to do this. I had to put her on the table and I was shaking so much I could tell she was so concerned with what was going on. They explained to me how they will first gas her until she falls asleep and they kept telling me how she'll go limp and her eyes will roll back, but in my mind I just screamed for them to get it over with as I watched her look around wondering what was happening and why I was bringing her in there. She cried as they put the mask over her face, she just looked so scared looking to me wondering why I was allowing this. I kept talking to her and holding her hand, but it was so hard to see her like that. She fell asleep in about 20 seconds but it felt like forever. Then the nurse escorted me out, I was crying so hard I couldn't open the door. Then I met back up with Zack and we were brought back to the waiting room to wait.



The operation took about an hour. Then they finally brought us to recover to be with her. As we entered the cubicles and turned the corner I saw a nurse standing in front of a crib and I saw Mabel's little foot and knew it was her. When the nurse turned around Mabel was in her cast, it was shocking to see, nothing could prepare me for seeing my baby in the cast, not all the pictures of other babies, not all the stories, nothing. My heart broke as she cried in such a weak voice. The nurse said she was trying to offer her a bottle but Mabel refused it. Of course she would! The only thing she knew of these people was that they knocked her out and put her in a cast, she wouldn't eat anything they offered! The nursed handed her to me and told me I could breastfeed her - I didn't know how to hold her but I didn't care, it felt so good to hold her again and comfort her. She settled down a bit, but off and on cried in pain. They kept giving her medicine in her IV to help calm her down. Finally were were transferred to a room by noon. I held her as they wheeled me in a wheelchair to her room, her cast fits perfectly over my lap and she just snuggled into me.



The hospital stay was fine. Our nurses were great. Mabel did very well and even gave us some smiles. She did cry in frustration and pain off and on. I wondered what she must have been thinking about this whole thing. It wasn't too long when she smiled and giggled again. When they disconnected her IV we dressed her - that made us feel "normal" again. I had found a site online that sold special rompers to fit over the cast - I'm so glad I had them. Poor thing had blisters on her bottom where the spica was rubbing against her skin - the nurse applied a bandage to help protect the area, she also petalled around the opening with moleskin as I had expected from what I had read. I mastered the diaper changed based on all my research and tips from other parents. The nurses were quite impressed. As new nurses came on duty they said they were told they had to meet Mabel in her cute outfit and that we could show them a thing or two about caring for the spica.

I couldn't wait to get home and get started over with our routine and getting situated again. Mabel had slept about 6 hours in the hospital and I was quite impressed with that. She was exhausted and I was able to sleep right next to her crib so that probably helped, but this was the first time she had ever slept away from home and in the best situation I would have been surprised if she had slept at all. We had to wait for the hospital to set us up with a car seat to get her home in, it didn't take as long as I had thought and the hospital doesn't charge for the car seat so that was a relief. We finally were set to leave by 11am on Friday. Mabel was all smiles as they fitted her for her car seat, it was almost as she knew it meant were were finally going home.



Surgery and Hospital Day couldn't have gone better in my mind, no it is time to settle in at home with our new routine.

Day Before Surgery...

The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions and phone calls waiting for a surgery date from the hospital, but since they called yesterday to give us the time all of at once it started feeling like now it is all happening too fast! I'm ready to get the process started, sooner in the cast the sooner out, but how 'ready' am I really. The last couple weeks has been a bitter sweet dance of enjoying all the little things that will be gone for a while, bath time, all the cute outfits with leggins and pants, snuggling super close while nursing...now today it feels like the last of a lot and I'm really grieving the loss of all the little things she loves. Yes, I know we'll have them in new forms, we'll do them again 'normally' in a few months but right now I'm so sad and scared. I don't want her to have to do any of this! She just started crawling, loves to dance and stand and it is like this secret that she doesn't know, that all of those little things are being changed. I'm worried about the next few days. How will she feel? How will we deal? When will things feel normal and what will be normal?

My perfect baby has hip dysplasia...

The whole process for getting from diagnosis to surgery took about a month, it was a strange combination of feeling like it was taking forever and happening way too fast. Mabel was 9 months when we noticed that the rolls at the top of her legs looked asymmetrical. (September 9, 2009) With a closer inspection we noticed it looked as if her left leg was shorter than the right. After searching online we came up with Hip Dysplasia - we both knew it was it, she had all the risk factors: first born girl, breech birth, family history.

The next day I called the doctors office and got an appointment for that afternoon. Our doctor was unavailable so Mabel saw another pediatrician in the practice. He checked her hips for "clicking" and didn't feel the joint slip. He said that he couldn't feel anything but agreed it was suspicious that her legs looked different and ordered an x-ray.

The following week we went to the hospital for the x-ray. We were sure that she had hip dysplasia, we just needed to know for sure. I thought I was prepared but when the doctor called after reviewing the x-ray confirming that her left hip was dislocated I just lost it and couldn't stop crying.

So began the waiting. A referral was generated for a pediatric orthopedic, the original appointment was made for about 3 weeks from the x-ray! My baby had a dislocated hip and they were making us wait! I called the orthopedic myself and begged them for an earlier appointment and they fit us in for the following week. It as just as I expected from what I had read - the ortho recommend an closed reduction surgery followed by 12 weeks in a spica cast followed by a brace, he said the sooner the better for surgery. Then began the wait for the surgery date. I called about every day to see if there was news of a date, the waiting we making us sick! Finally over a month after we noticed her leg asymmetry we had a date for surgery.

The emotions we went through ranged from anger that the doctors missed this to grief over the loss of the little things that she just gained like crawling, to relief that at least this is a condition that can be corrected. We had lots of tears and sleepless nights just thinking about what was coming.

There is so much to be thankful for - although it was missed we caught it before she started walking, still "early" in the game. It is a treatable condition, the treatment is very successful on the whole. But we did have the right to feel the anger and grief. I really did grieve the loss of my Mabel's new found mobility. The closeness I was afraid of loosing when we cuddle and nurse - having a cast between us just broke my heart. I had a right to be angry that this wasn't found sooner, but the reality is that even if it was found at birth and she was put in an harness that wouldn't necessary mean she wouldn't have need surgery anyway.

Would Mabel still be Mabel? I knew that she would still be my little girl - perfect to me in every way, but would she be happy? She loved her "tubby time". Bath was the highlight of her night time routine, how would she deal with that being taken away. She loved to "dance" on the floor, kicking her legs, rolling and laughing, how would she feel being bound in a cast immobile? Would she hate us for doing this to her? Would she be sad? Angry?



Nothing is more scary than the unknown...