Oh well...

I don't think you learn the true meaning of the word tired until you have kids. You also quickly realize you took sleep and free time for granted...oh sleep and free time, please come back! I promise I will never take you for granted again!

So I have referenced my Murphy sleep log app and since the harness his sleep has been getting to be shorter and shorter intervals at night. I'm really disappointed (and unfortunately not surprised). At this point a good night includes a three hour block. Lately he sleeps two to three hours, wakes for about an hour then back to sleep for an hour wakes and typically up an hour to two hours then back to sleep for about 45 minutes. After that it is about when Mabel wakes (6:15). My little man was sleeping some nights about six hours, nurse then sleep for another two! The only words that describe this is: this sucks!

So I'm a sleep deprived zombie complete with black circles around my eyes. I'm a mess. I'm pretty worried about how I am going to manage with going back to work. I mean when I was tired with Mabel if she fell asleep I too could catch a half hour nap or so...not now. Gone are those days, and back then I thought taking care of just her was tough. So here is to looking at the bright side...yes, I do see one - it is all worth it. Yes, I'm tired, but every second I get holding my baby is worth the dark circles and fuzzy brain. Think of the hours of comfort both for baby and me I have been so fortunate to have. I think back to the long sleepless nights with Mabel and yes it was hard (she cried a lot) but I think of how the first time she giggled was during the wee hours of the night as I yawned big while changing her diaper - apparently amusing to her. I guess what I'm trying to remind myself is that this is such a short phase of my life, although it doesn't feel it now, and soon the sleepless nights will lessen and he will someday sleep and I will someday sleep again too, but the bond we are forging will Aleta be there. The trust I'm establishing in him that I respond to his needs, and the cuddles, it all is and will be worth it in the long run. Mabel and I have that bond.

So they may never know how tired I was or what I would do for them as a baby, but hopefully in their hearts will forever be the realization that I love them more than they could ever know.